Father in Law Fight

Not a physical fight or anything like that. But I have been having trouble getting along with my father in law lately. Was wondering if anyone had any suggestions...

I love the guy, but his views are very out-dated and he is stuck in the 1960s on a lot of topics that I just can't see eye to eye with him on. He talks to me about them like I should agree with him and wants me to say I agree etc... But I don't. So the other day we went out to eat and got into an argument about one of the topics. I had few drinks so I think the way I came off might have hurt his feelings a bit. I apologized the next morning but I could tell by his response that he is still really upset.

Does anyone have any advice? I obviously have to get along with my in-laws to keep a happy marriage.

I know this is completely off topic thread but it is Mindless Blabbing! haha


Thanks in advance...

Respectfully agree to disagree. Being a product of the '60's myself, you have to remember that those before you, have cut the path, for you to refine along your way. Same as those before my generation. Without details, ( which I don't want to know) it is still hard to comment on any of your issues with the F.I.L.
I just know that, of course some will be stuck in their ways, because it's what they know, just like you. However, I have never believed that you can't teach an old dog new tricks.
Respect and presentation mean the world to us old folks. Its hard to see solid good old fashion values crumble before our eyes these days.

.... but then sometimes, you just have to agree to disagree respectfully.

How would you handle it if he wasn't your F.I.L.?
I.M.O. either should be resolved the same way.
But today, bullets fly around faster than the old west.

My wife's mom was certified crazy. Medicated, hospitalized, homeless committed crazy.
Our standard response, "it's interesting you feel that way" and let it drop.

You never know, when you are his age, you might see his point of view.

ABC said:

Respectfully agree to disagree. Being a product of the '60's myself, you have to remember that those before you, have cut the path, for you to refine along your way. Same as those before my generation. Without details, ( which I don't want to know) it is still hard to comment on any of your issues with the F.I.L.
I just know that, of course some will be stuck in their ways, because it's what they know, just like you. However, I have never believed that you can't teach an old dog new tricks.
Respect and presentation mean the world to us old folks. Its hard to see solid good old fashion values crumble before our eyes these days.

.... but then sometimes, you just have to agree to disagree respectfully.

How would you handle it if he wasn't your F.I.L.?
I.M.O. either should be resolved the same way.
But today, bullets fly around faster than the old west.

Click to expand...

Well said. Thanks for the response.

Scott Stone said:

My wife's mom was certified crazy. Medicated, hospitalized, homeless committed crazy.
Our standard response, "it's interesting you feel that way" and let it drop.

You never know, when you are his age, you might see his point of view.

Click to expand...

I'll try the "interested you feel that way" phrase! haha

Thanks Scott. Its to the point I am desperate for help! I have to keep the wife happy. Happy wife happy life! haha

Ty- I think the high road is to wait a day or two and reach back out to him and apologize again

It will go along way with your wife and may head off future disagreements

Ive had difficult inlaws (outlaws) and learned that its important to your marriage to try to get along or appease my inlaws

Trust me i had in laws who knew everything about everything and I bit my tongue several times just because it would only cause strife with me and my then wife

Just my opinion

We used to call it the "generation gap"..
it is simply a combination of misinterpretation..
"Old school" is where we were raised to do a good job, be responsible, considerate of others,
.. .. follow instructions, listen to teacher, respect elders, etc.
40 years later, it's about taking vantage, making up your own mind, and teacher's a fool.
In-between all that.. the meanings of words has been twisted, and OldSchool tends to "judge you" between the lines,
..on your use of words (especially foul language).
And as we age, we "expect more respect" from youngsters.
So, the elders, whom are generally better seasoned at "sustainable" conversation,
..are also prone to easily being offended,
whilst y'all laugh and point.
I'm not defending one over he other.. ..there are good reasons for both
.. I'm suck in-between with you, but I have simply found a answer which works for me.

My personal magic trick.. The opposite of a knuckleHead, is much more meticulous at DisArming a fight..
..AND breathes less crap.
I was raised by 2 argumentative a$$holes ..and survived.


BTW.. I have one of the WORST in-laws on the planet.. we put on a "cordial show" for the family.
That's the best that can come from that.. He knows nothing of "sustainable relationships".

Ty just a heads up....I'm gonna be no help here.....

If someone wants to know how I feel about a subject.......they're gonna get how I feel.....like it or not.....related or not........I do not care.

If they don't agree.....I don't care, they have that right......just don't expect me to comply or understand their view just because we're related somehow.......Oh That Will Never Happen!

I am not PC, or agree with the 2 new words of late....Tolerant-Intolerant.

Whether people agree or disagree with one another they do need one thing.....Conviction... the courage to stand by their beliefs.

Mary and I agree on many issues, and there are some we have had heated debates on, at the end of the day we still respect one another because we Love each other.....We're Family.

Or you can use these examples to get you out of a tight spot.....

"Well Opinions are like A**holes....everybody's got one" ...........OK maybe not that one

"Is That Pot Roast I Smell?"

"Lets Arm Wrestle To See Who's Right"

"Wow, where'd the time go, see ya"

Or just tell him the truth.....Man I love ya, but I don't agree with some of your views or opinions, I respect your right to have them, but please respect my right not to agree with them.

Good Luck Bro!

Ty, I have sorta the same with my FIL, I really basically just let him talk and I listen. Whether I agree with him or not, and voice my opinion, is not going to change a thing. And one thing I have noticed, is, he never has asked my opinion, he just likes to complain or voice his opinion. So I let him. Maybe it helps him, I don't know.

As for the argument you had, which is probably what concerns you most, you have apologized, (and asked him to forgive you, if not you may want to do that) and thats all you can do...it's up to him to accept.

Oh, and you don't have to get along w the inlaws to have a happy marriage. (although it sure helps) You just have to love and love on your wife.

Good Luck and will be praying for you through this time.

Ty, Ty, Ty...

We have to share the planet with people who disagree with us. Right or wrong, people have a right to feel how they feel. In my case, I used to get frustrated with truly ignorant people. Until I realized, people believe what they believe based on their experiences and information. Everybody doesn't want to learn new information. Some people are content in their ignorance. Personally, I don't have time to educate everyone who needs it. I try to choose my battles wisely and focus my efforts on time worthy endeavors. We have enough of a battle trying to change ourselves, changing someone else is impossible.

If you feel it's worth the energy, time and effort, be careful when you begin to peel back the layers of why he believes what he believes. The truth makes people uncomfortable and exposure makes people upset as they become vulnerable and embarrassed while realizing they've been an idiot for so long.

Talk to your wife and make sure she's happy and understands whatever you decide. At the end of the day, family is the only reason we tolerate some people. Everyone else doesn't matter - they can believe what they want because it won't affect us and we only have to deal with them to a certain extent (Thank God!)

CL nailed It !

CL Scott said:

Ty, Ty, Ty...

We have to share the planet with people who disagree with us. Right or wrong, people have a right to feel how they feel. In my case, I used to get frustrated with truly ignorant people. Until I realized, people believe what they believe based on their experiences and information. Everybody doesn't want to learn new information. Some people are content in their ignorance. Personally, I don't have time to educate everyone who needs it. I try to choose my battles wisely and focus my efforts on time worthy endeavors. We have enough of a battle trying to change ourselves, changing someone else is impossible.

If you feel it's worth the energy, time and effort, be careful when you begin to peel back the layers of why he believes what he believes. The truth makes people uncomfortable and exposure makes people upset as they become vulnerable and embarrassed while realizing they've been an idiot for so long.

Talk to your wife and make sure she's happy and understands whatever you decide. At the end of the day, family is the only reason we tolerate some people. Everyone else doesn't matter - they can believe what they want because it won't affect us and we only have to deal with them to a certain extent (Thank God!)

Click to expand...

CL U SHOULD BE A LIFE COACH!!

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Divorce his daughter. Worked for me.